I was studying a Bible passage that advises us to treat others with “kindness, forbearance, and patience.”
I’m familiar with kind and patient, but I was iffy on forbearance. So, I looked it up in the dictionary.
To “forbear” is to treat others with patience “even when provoked.”
We deal with “provocative” circumstances all the time. People and situations arise that cause frustration, anger, irritation, vengeance, and, maybe sometimes, violence.
A natural reaction to provocation is to react swiftly. We want to fight back, correct immediately, set the record straight, gain a pound of flesh, and make them pay.
To forbear means we stop and pause. It means we investigate before reacting. It means we plan a response rather than let one explode from us. It means we compare our current feelings with the ultimate consequence, taking into account a whole life’s experience, and determine whether the explosion is worth the damage.
To forbear means that we stop to remember when we have benefited from the forbearance of others. What happened when others spoke softly, taught patiently, or forgave slightly instead of striking or yelling? Especially when yelling and striking were justified.
To forbear means to stop and consider the damage done previously when forbearance was not the path taken—the hurt feelings, the times of regret, the broken relationships.
Forbearance is a strategy chosen in advance, a practice that is cultivated.
It does not ignore suboptimal situations or accept an inferior way. It takes the high road, brings calm to a storm, and is determined to be a considerate friend, relative, and colleague.
One way to “happen to the world” is to happen differently when provoked. That’s forbearance.
—Howe Q Wallace Jr
