Dr. Henry Cloud says there is a marriage counselor who can observe married couples interact and determine within 30 minutes whether the couple will remain married.
The presence of four different behaviors predict failure:
- Criticism. If one or both openly criticize the other, it indicates a lack of regard. When criticism is warranted in a marriage, it is seldom and private.
- Contempt. If one or both look down in a contemptuous way on the other, it indicates an uneven respect. It won’t survive.
- Judgment. If there is an open disdain for one or the other, something that causes them to downgrade them as a person, it won’t last.
- Finally, indifference. If one spouse causes the other to “roll their eyes” or they ignore what the other thinks or says, it won’t survive.
The marriage experts claim they are right 90% of the time.
So, if you are in a relationship, you can take this advice and begin working on making yours better.
But, I found myself thinking about behaviors I observe at work. I see all of them at times. Those behaviors don’t build the team. They don’t communicate respect. They don’t make anyone easy to do business with.
The use of criticism, contempt, judgment and indifference will assure unproductive relationships. Thus, if you use them all year, you should be intending to end things.
But, the problem is that most folks use them and don’t know where the behaviors will take them.
Take an inventory. Do you criticize often? Do you take care to choose constructive words? Do you do it privately? Do the subjects of these words thank you for the help?
Are you frequently judging the behavior of others? Cut down the frequency.
Work on being a better you?
Do you look down on others? It’s safer to figure that everyone else is as good as you.
Could you be described as indifferent? How does indifference help you with your ambition?